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I Had A Chinese Exorcism, And it Worked

I Had A Chinese Exorcism, And it Worked

In traditional Chinese medicine, the Seven Dragons treatment addresses possession.

My acupuncturist is the Chinese doppelgänger of Gilmore Girls' Mrs. Kim.  She practices medicine through the light of Jesus, and treats ailments from past life trauma as well as last week's scraped knees.  I've never met someone more Berkeley. 

Recently, she searched my eyes and checked my tongue.  With a furrowed brow, she diagnosed me with possession.  I needed a Chinese exorcism.  Was my life some strange mashup of Gremlins and The Exorcist?  Was this going to cost me extra?  How do you bill insurance for exorcisms?  I nodded my head and relaxed onto the table. 

Was my life some strange mashup of Gremlins and the Exorcist?

In traditional Chinese medicine, the Seven Dragons treatment addresses possession.  Rather than just possession by spirits, the person is overtaken by beliefs or emotions collected in this life or a previous one.  They cannot live fully, and emptiness fills their eyes.  They are separated from the self.  My possession was anger.  The anger was stuck in my abdomen, she told me.  So, the Chinese Mrs. Kim silently said a prayer, and stuck seven points on my body with needles.  Each needle resonated like energetic ripples through my limbs and torso.  I began to relax, and think about my anger.

Suddenly, it was clear, without my knowledge anger had always been my default emotion.  Lyme Disease never made me sad, it filled me with rage.  Breakups made me angry because I felt misunderstood or mistreated in nearly every relationship.  The silliest things frustrated me at work on a daily basis to the point where my outbursts over misplaced costumes were hilarious (or at least I hope they were). 

I realized, the anger has always been inescapable.  

At least thirty minutes passed as the needle sensation dwindled and my entire angry life played back in fast-forward on the ceiling tiles.  Was this characteristic actually reversible, or was I destined to spend eternity marinating in anger?  She checked my tongue again, and removed the needles, pleased with my progress.  The Chinese Mrs. Kim sent me on my way, into an anger-free world.

I had a Chinese Exorcism and it worked!

One week passed.  The changes were subtle.  Surprises at work weren't frustrating.  Rude comments didn't bother me.  The special place in my conscious devoted to anger toward my body was quiet.  On the seventh day, I had a single outburst, lasting about fifteen seconds, and ending in a fit of laughter.  "I think the exorcism worked,"  I told my coworker, on the verge of hysterical tears. 

The Seven Dragons is intended to help a person reconnect with the self.  Whether I believed in her diagnosis and treatment (heck yes Chinese Exorcisms work) she brought me the awareness of this vast imbalance, and the opportunity to address it. 

Three weeks have passed, and I'm 98% sure I'm a hell of a lot less angry that I've ever been before.  I've also had another exorcism since then to address belief systems around deserving wellness and wealth.  So I think there's going to be a lot of good health and wealth in my future.  But until then, I'll just be here working on my adapted screenplay of Gremlins and The Exorcist. 


Have you heard of Chinese Exorcisms?  Does this sound crazy?  What are your tips for reconnecting with yourself and your emotions?  Tell me about them in the comments!


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